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Fred died on Wednesday. I wondered whether I should block him, but decided against it. All the while, my mind was doing math. Even in an unflattering light, my gut told me, he would have felt a thrill from being named. When I returned from summer break in August, I sent Fred pastries in the post — breakfast, as promised. It is a fight for more consent, more respect — a fight for freedom and for safety. In my adolescent mind, it was us against the world. I had just published my first book , a feminist tome I had poured all my intellectual might and wrath into. My persecutor. B y my last year of high school, 17 and 60lb lighter than the healthy weight I am today, my patterns of numbing were fully locked in. Drunkenly left messages, sent emails. Years on, I would come to see that this was the moment he set his trap.

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